Left Town (one way or another ..)

TRUMPET VIOLATIONS

NAME OF OFFENDER____________________
INFRACTION DATE _____________

SCHEDULE OF OFFENSES

MUSICAL OFFENSES:

Playing highest note possible in warm-up $100
Sound-checking mic with obnoxious jazz licks $15
Raising hand after mistake $15
Practicing multiple tonguing not called for on gig $15
Blacking out after high note $20
Obnoxiously show-offy warm-up $25
Taking tuning note up an octave $25
Vibrato on unison passage $50
Failure to use 3rd valve slide $50
Playing A when band tunes to B-flat $75
Being told by conductor to play louder $400
Failure to swing $1000

LEAD PLAYERS:

Changing mouthpieces mid-song $15
Faking section into early entrance $10
Faking self into early entrances $20
Missing high lick, then mentioning previous gig(s) $25
Asking conductor if it's OK to take a lick up an octave $25
Asking conductor if it's OK to take a lick down an octave $400
Taking a lick down that you took up in rehearsal $100
Missing last note of "In the Mood" $200

SECTION/NON-LEAD PLAYERS:

Missing entrance when lead drops out $15
Pointing out to the lead that guy on the record took that last lick up an octave $20
Attempting unassigned lick biffed by lead $50
Asking lead what mouthpiece he uses $75
Hanging over past lead on last chord $100
Attempting to out-screech lead on last chord $100
Successfully out-screeching lead at any time $500

EQUIPMENT VIOLATIONS:

Playing with screw-on rim $10
Polishing horn on stage $15
Dropping mute $10
Dropping horn Repairs + $20
Dropping Dead Warning
Forgetting pencil $20
Forgetting Mute(s) $50 Each
Forgetting Bow-Tie or socks $30
Forgetting Mouthpiece $30
Forgetting Magazine $100
Blaming mistake on sticky valves $25
Getting marble or similar object
stuck down bell $75

CRIMINAL BAD TASTE:

Having nicest gig-bag in section $10
Talking about the great deal you got on a new horn $10
Hawking old horn on Bandstand $10
Quoting Herb Alpert or Mangione Song $25
Farting on bandstand $25
Defecating on bandstand $75
Practicing legit style on swing gig $35
Discussing how plentiful gigs were in the "old days" $50
Beginning a sentence with "When I played for Kenton..." $50
Casually mentioning to Musical Director of cheap theater that you also play Keyboards $100

BASIC STUPIDITY:

Wearing old MF tour shirt $15
Wearing new MF tour shirt $25
Not knowing who MF is $40
Playing on a Jet-tone mouthpiece $20
Continually asking "where are we?" $25
Drunkenness on stage $25
Stoned on stage $50
Pretending to be friends with a bone player $50
Actually being friends with a bone player $200
Dating a bone player $750
Loaning money to bone player 4x amount loaned
Sitting next to conductor at meals $100.